I received an e-mail today from a staff who was concerned about a task she was asked to accomplish during her shift. One of the two individuals she supports for Community Engagement had a package that needed to be brought to the post office. Something people like you and I do regularly (though maybe no one ENJOYS waiting in line at the post office). The staff was concerned about the other individual she supports not being able to manage his behaviors at the post office. This individual, we'll call him Bruce, has LOTS of energy. He likes to get into stuff. It can be stressful for staff. He will absolutely take a soda from someone's table at a food court if provided the opportunity. Some strategy needs to go into planning daily activities with Bruce and his housemate, who we will call Luke.
Of course, the other option is that you keep Bruce away from community and public spaces where his lack of impulse control might get the best of him: scarcely populated park trails, car rides, or maybe walks around the neighborhood. That will keep Bruce from making a scene at the mall or post office, but it won't do anything to help Bruce learn new skills to manage his behaviors. It won't help the people in our community witness compassionate support and experience the kindness and coaching that goes into working with someone like Bruce. It will, however, keep our community from having to make safe and inclusive spaces for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. It does nothing to further our mission of enhancing the quality of life for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Institutions were "safe" (maybe a topic for another blog post), there are risks in the community. And at CLA, we believe many of them are worth taking for what it adds to the quality of life and the perception of the incredible human beings we support.
What if -- hear me out, what if we let Bruce have the dignity of risk of failing at the post office. What could happen? You wait in line with Bruce and Luke, and a shiny display catches Bruce's eye. He goes over to it, even though you said "Bruce, we need to wait in line we're next". Next thing you know. Bruce is taking envelopes out of the display case! Luke is in line with the package but doesn't know what to do. Bruce has 7 envelopes in his hands, with a few others falling on the floor- priority mail, express mail, even some certified mail labels. He is completely enthralled. There are 5 other people in line behind you and they are staring. You have some choices to make:
- Abort this mission. Tell Bruce and Luke you are leaving and go back to the group home. Show everyone that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities shouldn't be in public places.
- Grab Bruce from the display so you can help Luke and leave immediately afterward, embarrassed, without the opportunity to learn what Bruce enjoyed about the display (so maybe you could use this information in the future) or the role modeling for the other people in the post office that Bruce has every right to be there even if he isn't as familiar or "well behaved" as others.
- Tell Luke to get out of line and help Bruce pick up the envelopes with you. Luke misses the opportunity to work on his interaction skills and complete a task that was important to him because someone else was struggling with social norms.
- Let Bruce investigate the envelopes. He is not hurting them and he can help put them back once you are done with Luke. Walk Luke through the process of dropping off the already labeled box and then the 3 of you work together to fix the display.
Obviously every situation is different and sometimes you really do just need to cut your losses and say "you know what, we may need to come back to the post office later" and try again. But we sometimes miss a great opportunity to help someone grow when we choose the "safe" route. Growth happens outside your comfort zone. And we owe it to the men and women we support to get a little uncomfortable to help them grow. We owe it to our community to not hide incredible people like Bruce just because sometimes our society isn't "Bruce Proof".
So next time you're at the post office and you see Bruce, or someone like him, struggling to stand still in a line that none of us really enjoys standing in. Give him and his support team some grace, we'll all be better for it.
